a good friend and i were talking about how she and i always think in terms of metaphors, how we fall in love with the idea of things, and not necessarily the things themselves. living in analogies is fun, but tiring. i get so jealous of people who yearn for something like a boat - so they buy a boat - and they are happy. i'm yearning so hard for something that i can't see, for the core or essence of something big, maybe even, for a certain style-of-life. and i wish i could reduce it down to something concrete, something tangible, or at least something of which i can make out the shape. i'd even be happy with catching a glance of the silhouette.

my friend suggested, as an exercise, that i make a list of all of the things that i know make me happy, and not worry about to what, if anything, they add up. for what it's worth, here's my list:

- falling asleep with the wind on my face on a cold day

- the colors gray and mustard yellow side-by-side

- reading missed connections religiously

- smiling dogs

- prose poetry

- making out in a tent when it's raining outside

- how everything sounds softer when it snows

- rachel nunner

- eggnog lattes

- penciled notes in the margin of a used book (deal breaker = highlighters)

- an especially good day of thrift shopping

-going on real dates (not "hanging out," not "meeting up," but genuine old-fashioned dates involving a public outing and butterflies in the tummy)

- never being hung over anymore!

- a brand new bottle of shampoo

- the irregularity of handspun yarn

- swiss cheese omlettes from voula's offshore cafe (with hashbrowns, english muffins, and coffee)

- handwritten letters

- civil rights-inspired sermons from the 1960s

- optimists