they were playing techno music at the black cat which pretty much ruined the whole thing. so after one white russian, i came home for a saturday night of reading and writing in bed, and i have to say, i'm quite enjoying my new sheets—400 thread-count, cotton sateen wonders that make me feel quite grown up. yes, despite my living in a house with 8 other people, i'm starting to feel like an adult, which is an entirely new, scary, and exhilarating feeling. even when i was working in a fancy-schmancy downtown seattle office and lived on the hill in my very own apartment, i felt like i was pretending, like i was just going through the motions of a grownup. but now it feels different, like i've settled into my adult-self, at least a little bit. the idea of quality is becoming important, in silly things like coffee and sheets. and being drunk is just no longer worth wasting half of a sunday being hungover. but more significant than anything that has manifested on the outside, i've been feeling the dull melancholy of parting ways with my early-twenties self. i know i'm still young. just no longer young-young. and i feel like i'm too big for the adult equivalent of the sandbox, but too small to ride the bumper cars. i guess i've been feeling lonely. and i guess that's why i cried all the way home from the art walk last night. because i've become the proverbial middle child who's too young and too old at the same time and finds herself surrounded by non-age appropriate toys. i'm too old for all-day drinking binges, but too young for french club at the chuckanut wine bar. so i've been spending a lot of time alone, which has allowed me to spend lots of time listening martin luther king speeches and making jewelry, which has been super-fun. but sometimes, i wish that i had more people in my life who don't consider drunkenness to be an activity, but who are are not grasping the handrails of life either. i want to meet christian carpenters, artist farmers, and sarcastic social workers. i know they're here, but where? i'm here, where are you?